Ignoring Temper Tantrums

I have heard many Physicians tell parents that they should ignore their child's temper tantrums. I think that is absolutely, the worst advise ever! I can not believe a Physician would tell a parent that ignoring their child's emotions and inability to understand or control their emotions is the best parenting practice. Children are full of emotions and they don't understand any of them. Children are full of wants and desires and they believe that if we don't fulfill their desires that we are neglecting them. Children can only see what is right in front of them, they can not conceive of anything beyond the immediate. If you ignore your child when the child is exploding with emotions then the child only feels neglected and angry. What does ignoring teach your child? It teaches them that they must work harder to get your attention in any way they deem necessary. They must have get their needs met and if you don't guide them, they will just do what they know how to do...explode with emotions. They will allow their emotions to guide them, because as we all know, emotions are very powerful. I know many adults who can't recognize their emotions, control their emotions or determine what triggered that emotion to begin with. As a parent your job is to teach your child, guide your child, set boundaries and limits for your child. Ignoring tantrums does not teach anything you'd hope to teach your child. I have heard parents use this reason for ignoring their child, "They will learn that type of behavior won't get them what they want." So, how will they learn this and what behavior will they choose to use next to get your attention? I don't know about you, but it is pretty clear to me that all babies, from birth are know who to be bad, to manipulate, to lie, to split parents, to be sneaky and to have temper tantrums. I have yet to see a kid who comes out unselfish, truthful, aware of how to handle emotions, or with the absence of a self serving nature. Face it, Bad behaviors are the only thing that comes easy and we all know from birth. So help me to understand how ignoring bad behaviors will suddenly teach good behaviors? It won't, the child will move on to worse behaviors and they will figure out what you will respond to. Children want and desire our love and attention! Do not keep your attention from your child by ignoring them while they have no idea how else to express themselves, but through a tantrum. Take the time to teach your child, tantrums are the perfect learning moment. If you don't teach them what is appropriate and acceptable behavior they certainly will not figure it out on their own. A 2 yr old does not have reasoning skills, he does not have insight, he does not have the ability to choose a better approach to cope with his emotions or to express his needs unless you specifically tell him. In fact you must repeatedly define what is acceptable and appropriate behaviors probably until he is 30. While your child is crying, screaming or stomping (whatever expression he chose) kneel down to his level, make eye contact and direct him how to behave. Tell him to stop what is is doing, then Ask him to tell you what he wants by using words, ask him to show you what he want by pointing. Give your child an alternative way of getting your attention. Give him an alternative behavior every time his emotions take control. Help your child know that tantrums will not get them what they want but asking or pointing will definitely get your attention. Teach your child how to get your attention in the manner you are comfortable with before he determines a method more severe. Offer verbal praise when he asks or points, tell him that was a good way to get my attention, or I like how you asked. Force yourself to acknowledge the good behaviors no matter how small as you are working to form good behaviors in your child. Children have so many emotions and they have no idea what to do with them. Your child desires only to have your attention so teach them how you want them to seek it. If your child does not cooperate and you can not calm them down, then sit him in a chair and tell him when he is ready to ask or point, then you will listen. Then ignoring continued crying is acceptable. If the crying continues despite your prompting (3 prompts) or is disrupting a lot of people, then separate the child. You should always set a limit on your prompting and keep your prompting as simple as possible...1,2,3 and your out, that is my limit. My child is then removed and placed in his crib or bed, they are then free to scream and cry until he is better able to control his emotions. However, breaking or throwing objects is not an acceptable expression of emotions. If that occurs he will be instructed by me, up close and personal that breaking or throwing objects is not OK and if it continues a spanking will follow. When he is ready to obey the boundaries I just set on his behavior he may come out are the instructions I give to a child closer to 4 yrs old. My 23 month old just gets a timed crib stay (1 min per year of age). For him I use seconds until I reach the min. Always, provide your child with closure. When he is compliant, hug him, tell him you love him, you just don't like it when he does...(fill in the blank). If he is able to talk and says he is sorry tell him that you forgive him. Just please don't ignore your child's tantrums expecting that some miracle will occur and your child will suddenly learn how they should be acting! Please work with your child, teach your child what is and is not acceptable and repeat as necessary. Have no doubt you will have to repeat until he gets it, then there will be another behavior to work on. Dealing with emotions is hard even for adults who have insight and the ability to reflect, and make deductions. Emotions come on fast and furious, especially in little ones. Help your child out teach them how to best handle their emotions, especially what you will and will not tolerate. If a tantrum is something you are willing to ignore and tolerate, then a tantrum is exactly what you will get.